Good news and bad news. Bali has to be put back as complications surrounding my new passport and my lost British passport continue to give me grief. I’ve decided to head up to God’s country on the Gold Coast in Queensland Australia for six days with the wife and three of my bastard children.

We are taking Shannon, Amelie and the ranga Ashlyn. We are leaving the rest at home to fend for themselves which will mean the house will be in pieces when we get home. As long as it not burnt down I’m happy enough not sending them to be agisted. People will happily look after our dog but our bastard children are too much.

Its an 8-hour drive from paradise to gods country so I will be sharing the driving with frankenspouse. Last time I drove there and back but it took a lot out of me. She isn’t a very good driver but if I tighten up the bolts in her neck she should be good for a few hours at least.

Thankfully we still have current passes to all the theme parks as I love Seaworld and the helicopter rides so I will be giving that a go for sure. I love Caville avenue the main drag in Surfers Paradise. I love being with the kids the atmosphere and the general excitement that’s ever present there. Honestly, I doubt there is a better place on earth yet I keep going overseas on an ever-present search for meaning in my life. Maybe its been here all along.

Some great Queenslanders for further google searches people. My dog Harper – My Mum – Sir Joh- Brisbane Broncos- That tart I hooked up with in Caville avenue – Suzie O’Neill – Kieren Perkins and shit the whole population of gods great garden that is Queensland.