As a total goose, I stated the Big Banana was at Grafton. It is definitely at Coffs Harbour. My little bastard children love the big banana.

We leave for Queensland on the 19th at 4am so about 6 hours from now.  The drive is 8-10 hrs of which I will be subjected to countless dumb questions about the distance and time till we get there. I have a policy of no toilet stops unless I’m getting petrol. I care not if the wet themselves as their lack of planning does not warrant a stop.  The other irritation is the somewhat questionable smells that frequent the car when the little bastards are let out of their cages. We will be having none of that as the air conditioner will be set to subarctic as the forecast is for 40 degrees Celsius.

We should get up in time to go do a bit of grocery shopping as we are trying to keep the costs down this time. That will be great if we can do a few days of breakfast lunch and dinners. The theme parks food and drink is just way too expensive so I will have to work something out but I have no idea’s at the moment. Hopefully, I will be able to embarrass my little bastards sufficiently so they are scared for life as any true parent aspires to do. This means, yep, I’m dancing in public, singing along to the music in the grocery store with my imaginary microphone And generally doing things they cringe at. This will teach them to holiday with me. I will be uploading all my adventures on my youtube channel so I hope you enjoy it and the best bit is that the little bastards friends are subscribed to it. They have nowhere to hide or any way to deny it. I have to film little bastard number 4 dancing, she dances like a blindfolded spastic in a tumble dryer. It’s something to see that’s for sure. I will be doing the disco duck and dancing the funky chicken, no nutbush for me or bus stop im way to funky for that. I’m sure the little bastards will appreciate my dancing being uploaded.

Goals – Humiliate little bastards, Get a kiss of a meter maid, Have a bit of a dance in public without music, Ask a female police officer for a phone number or a kiss, Hug a Hare Krishna or at least a sing-along and dance (they always happy), Remind the Japanese tourist’s Seaworld is a marine park not a buffet, I always order at Starbucks under an assumed name as I like them calling out Osama bin laden etc but embarrasses the kids a bit I think its Donald Trump Week, General irritation shit they will be scared by.

I will be blogging Daily if you go to the home page there is a link to my youtube channel and I may be able to upload but I’m unsure yet.