Got up at sparrows fart for our trip to Canberra. We have to travel from Newcastle via Sydney then on to Canberra ACT (Australia Capital Territory). The day started out great as the little bastards were awake and dressed before I managed to get my bum out of bed. With minimal hassle, we all got in the car and made the mad dash to avoid the traffic.

Bugger me if we didn’t encounter every dickhead imaginable on the way to Sydney. Trucks that would overtake you then travel under the speed limit until you overtook them then they were unable to accept this and continued to piss me off by overtaking me yet again. In desperate need of Xanax or Valium, I managed to find a 7 eleven store and got a coffee, This made the world of difference.

Well if I’m lying may I be raped by a donkey, I hit the biggest traffic jam ever when I got to Hornsby. Not moving and no accidents just too many wankers on the road at the same time. One thing I give Sydney drivers is the majority have the ability to drive a car. People let me in whilst I was driving like a spastic cursing the GPS that truely taunted me. I finally hit the road without cars on it all the way to Goulburn where I stopped to see the big Marino. Bugger me, I posted on the facebook group Canberra whingers that I had seen New Zealand’s next top model and was informed I should have looked at the back of the sheep as it had enormous nuts. Not into animal sexuality personally I am sort of glad I missed out on that but to each their own.

Driving into the ACT or Canberra you instantly know you have arrived. To start with who gives these people licences. Bugger me Canberra has all the shit drivers concentrated in such a small territory. And bike riders and I’m trying to be kind but, If you’re in your seventies in bike pants don’t do it. No one wants to see old man balls dangling down. Right case in point Sydney doesn’t bother naming everything Capital, being the capital of NSW but what really pisses me is in Canberra they have the National this the National that. Let’s be honest they have Fyshwick so they are the National wankers. But to be fair they are nice people but stop stop stop with the National bullshit and the next person who tells me Canberra was the only planned city is going to be anally rammed by my mate big Bubba the 16 incher.

Did I tell you I love Canberra? I really do its clean and the people are nice. Anyway, many days to come and I shit you not I lucked out and got the best three bedroom apartment in the city and not too expensive. Free wifi and bugger me the shower was better than being pissed on by 20 female Dwarves. Frankenspouse was pretty happy too, a bloody miracle. Now the kitchen is awesome so I made sure she knows that its her domain and when my dinner time is. All up a cracking day!

Come back and see tomorrows blog please I will try to be nice.